Jason Koivu's Reviews > Water for Elephants

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
Rate this book
Clear rating

by
1742824
's review

did not like it
bookshelves: don-t-let-me-down-dangit-you-did, fiction, vagina-soliloquies

Reading this was like running a marathon on bloody stumps. It took forever and it was painful.

The subject - a vet recalling his days in a failing 1920s circus - would've interested me if the writing had been up to par. It wasn't horrible, just amateurish at times. Also, the dialogue could've been better. If the characters sounded more like they came from the '20s it might've drawn me more into the story, but they sounded like contemporaries who like to use old timey jargon. Also, I can't get down with the idea that an old man, who can't remember his own age, can remember minor details from 70 years prior as well as exact dialogue that is as mundane as the tripe used to fill out an hour-long soap opera.

Why do I read modern pop lit? Oprah's minions shall no longer rule my reading!

Maybe I might have disliked this a little less if I'd just read it instead of listened to the horribly narrated audiobook. Never has a narrator squeeze so much melodrama out of the simplest of actions and mildest of emotions.

I don't think I've ever taken this long to get through an audiobook. Usually, even if I'm not enjoying it, I can just let it run and bust on through. But with this one I actively avoided listening to it by being inactive. My thing is, if I have a boring job to do like yardwork or servicing my lady*, I plug in an audiobook and both the book and the job whizz by. But not this book. Instead of weeding or going for a walk with Water for Elephants I made sure I had other things to do. The days-long NFL draft came in handy.


* "My lady" is the term I use for my car. Get your mind out of the gutter.
46 likes · flag

Sign into Goodreads to see if any of your friends have read Water for Elephants.
Sign In »

Comments Showing 1-41 of 41 (41 new)

dateDown arrow    newest »

Erica Uhhh....no.
If you're halfway through and it's not doing much for you, you're going to be slogging to get to the end. I mean, I read this awhile ago and don't actually remember it that well but I do remember that it didn't change in the final quarter to become a new story, soooo...
This may be one of those very rare instances that you are:
1) not girly enough
2) reading it wrong
3) just not the audience for this particular tale.


Shelby *trains flying monkeys* I agree with Erica. If you ain't loving it go ahead and run. Please get more girlie and read it better. LOL


message 3: by Hannah (new)

Hannah I have a friend who said it took her several months to finish the book cause it was very slow and cumbersome


Jason Koivu Yeah, I thought maybe I wasn't lady enough for this. Maybe I'll throw on a dress, jam a tampon up my butt and see if that helps.


Erica Jason wrote: "Yeah, I thought maybe I wasn't lady enough for this. Maybe I'll throw on a dress, jam a tampon up my butt and see if that helps."

I'm pretty sure that will only make you have cold legs and constipation which, contrary to misogynistic belief, is not more ladyish. Anyone can have cold legs and/or be constipated.


Jason Koivu Erica wrote: "Jason wrote: "Yeah, I thought maybe I wasn't lady enough for this. Maybe I'll throw on a dress, jam a tampon up my butt and see if that helps."

I'm pretty sure that will only make you have cold le..."


My mom was very cold and very constipated and she is my ideal of womanhood, and you can not tell me different!


Deanna the above comments lol. I read this awhile ago and I didn't much care for it either.I'm pretty girly, I think. I shave my legs and everything.


Phyllis I only enjoyed the parts told from the old man's point of view-the rest of the story was like shards of glass taking across my eyes. Sometimes it's ojay to run away from your problems.


Jason Koivu Phyllis wrote: "I only enjoyed the parts told from the old man's point of view-the rest of the story was like shards of glass taking across my eyes. Sometimes it's ojay to run away from your problems."

Yes! The old man parts are written so much better than the reminiscences of him as a young man.


Kevin I enjoyed it, but WTF do I know.


message 11: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Kevin wrote: "I enjoyed it, but WTF do I know."

When it comes down to it, it's all subjective. You know what you like and that's what matters.


message 12: by carol. (new)

carol. +Like for the comment thread. I'm not lady enough for this book either, but you won't see me trying to read it. I know my limits.


message 13: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Carol. wrote: "+Like for the comment thread. I'm not lady enough for this book either, but you won't see me trying to read it. I know my limits."

Well, I like to get in touch with my feminine side. For instance, if I had boobs, I'd touch them.


Erica Jason wrote: "Well, I like to get in touch with my feminine side. For instance, if I had boobs, I'd touch them. "

I totally believe this about you.

If you'd like, I can help.
Here's what you do:
Eat ice-cream for every meal. And hamburgers. And lard.
Do not move unless necessary (to go to the freezer for more ice-cream)
Slouch. All the time.

You will soon have boobs, three of them - two up top and a way bigger one beneath!
Helpful, yes?


message 15: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Erica wrote: "Jason wrote: "Well, I like to get in touch with my feminine side. For instance, if I had boobs, I'd touch them. "

I totally believe this about you.

If you'd like, I can help.
Here's what you do:
Eat ice-cream for every meal. And hamburgers. And lard.
Do not move unless necessary (to go to the freezer for more ice-cream)
Slouch. All the time.
..."


I can do these things! I've done them before, and I know I have the perseverance to obtain and maintain my ideal body!

Yes, I can!

PS: You should be a life coach.


message 16: by carol. (last edited Apr 08, 2015 01:45AM) (new)

carol. Erica's suggestion is gold, but does take a bit of time to accomplish.

Alternatively you can hire Troy and Abed to help do a boob transplant. Of course, the last time they did that, they did a foot transplant with it.
http://theraptorpack.files.wordpress...


Erica Jason, you are right! I should be a life coach! I have all the answers and I make up ones for anything I don't know!
When I am a millionaire, I will send you only the finest, fattiest ice-creams for your breasticles.

Bwahahahahaha & eeyew, Carol!
Only, Troy and Abed are not to be trusted with much of anything. Also, they are probably too busy to try another transplant right now, what with six seasons and a movie, and all.


message 18: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Ah, Community! I had to look that one up. Haven't seen anything but a few episodes from the first season and that was a while ago.


message 19: by carol. (last edited Apr 08, 2015 05:22AM) (new)

carol. They had up and down quality. I bought the third season largely for two episodes--one which is a Law & Order spoof that was very well done, and one which was done in old-school video game format. Priceless.


BTW, as soon as I'm fired from my job, I'm hiring Erica as a life coach.


message 20: by Dan (last edited May 05, 2015 08:36PM) (new)

Dan Schwent Did someone force this book upon you?


message 21: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Dan wrote: "Did some one force this book upon you?"

Peer pressure.


message 22: by Dan (new)

Dan Schwent If they liked this, they probably aren't your peers.


message 23: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Dan wrote: "If they liked this, they probably aren't your peers."

They aren't any more, I'll tell you what!


Trudi I didn't hate this, but didn't love it. Can I still be your peer???

I was masochistic enough to watch the movie. Blergh.


Travelin It didn't seem better reading it, but I checked out early, before the characters probably started smothering each other.


message 26: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Trudi wrote: "I didn't hate this, but didn't love it. Can I still be your peer???..."

All day, every day, Trudi!


message 27: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Travelin wrote: "It didn't seem better reading it, but I checked out early, before the characters probably started smothering each other."

Yeah, I wanted to call it quits halfway through, but my stubbornness puts mules to shame.


Travelin I thought we talked about this mule shaming...


message 29: by Ɗẳɳ 2.☊ (new)

Ɗẳɳ  2.☊ While the review is funny, the comment section is...pure gold. Thanks buddy.


Kelly (and the Book Boar) My vagina did the reading on this one . . . and was responsible for me watching the sparkly vampire movie version too. I'll go move Erica out of the shame corner and take her place for awhile.


Erica Kelly (and the Book Boar) wrote: "My vagina did the reading on this one . . . and was responsible for me watching the sparkly vampire movie version too. I'll go move Erica out of the shame corner and take her place for awhile."

Dude, I gave this four stars. It's the shaming, all over again.
And I listened to the audiobook, just like Jason. Though, to my credit, I told Jason to stop reading/listening because it wouldn't end well for him but he didn't heed the warning so his hatred can't make us have shame for our like...tred because he was warned. WARNED, I say!
I don't even know where the logic in that argument is but it doesn't matter because I am right and the DUFF is stupid, dammit!


message 32: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu There are certain lady-like books I'd like to read, but if it takes a vagina to enjoy them perhaps I'll wait and see how Jenner does with his. If it works out, I'll get one, read a few of these books and when I'm done, stick Petey* back on.


* my penis


Erica ...so...
this?


message 34: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Erica wrote: "...so...
this?"


Ah so it was King Missile that wrote that song! Well that makes sense.


message 35: by Donna (new) - added it

Donna Oh god no! It's in my to read pile :/


message 36: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Donna Cat wrote: "Oh god no! It's in my to read pile :/"

Chuck it right out, DC, right out!


message 37: by Rob (new) - rated it 5 stars

Rob Really? I love this book. Different strokes, I guess.


message 38: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Rob wrote: "Really? I love this book. Different strokes, I guess."

Definitely. I'd say I'm in the minority in my opinion of this one.


message 39: by FoodxHugs (new) - added it

FoodxHugs The first two lines were bloody hilarious! :D


Jacqueline Joyce I started this today and got through about 60 pages when I decided it's just not worth it. Saw the movie and enjoyed it, the book, not so much.


message 41: by Jason (new) - rated it 1 star

Jason Koivu Jacqueline wrote: "I started this today and got through about 60 pages when I decided it's just not worth it. Saw the movie and enjoyed it, the book, not so much."

I should try the movie. I bet I'd enjoy it more than the book.


back to top

épisode 3 streaming Nacho | Baywatch Nights (0) | 27: Gone Too Soon (2018)